Joe Cacko Fantasy Writer

I hate to have to point out the obvious to the greater majority of Fantasy Football Owners across the country, but during recent conversations I’ve had with many people just like yourselves, I’ve realized that there is a lack of common sense to many drafts and team building rituals. I, the Mayor of SimpleTown, a simple man, with simple thoughts, am here to provide you with some rhyme or reason to that which is fantasy football and the dubious task of building that championship team. The following by no means guarantees a championship, however if not taken seriously could result in a finish at or near the bottom of your league, and nobody wants that. So if you just need a quick refresher, or have no idea as to how to stop being the proverbial skid mark in the underwear of your fantasy league, here are the ins and outs to your most asked questions. On to restoring draft respectability one pick at a time…


A - Always take a RB with your first pick, (especially if you are in a league that only has 8 teams) if you wait to long you’ll be lucky to make the playoffs

B - Beware of the Hometown Hero Curse, pick with your brain and not your heart

C - Cardinal Rule- Nobody from Arizona should be on your roster

D -Detroit Lions could be good, if you are in a keeper league

E -Everyone knows Priest Holmes is the #1 pick

F - Free Agents- pay close attention there is always an un-drafted superstar waiting to emerge, don’t miss the boat on an Anquan Boldin

G - Great teams aren’t just drafted, there is some luck involved

H - Hate-the word wives use to describe how they feel about the amount of time we men dedicate to Football

I - Injuries- one key injury could ruin your entire season, balance is key

J - Just in Case Picks or Insurance policies, for example if you have M. Faulk it might not be a bad idea to get S. Jackson

K - Kickers- They’re a dime a dozen and after the top 3 are gone it doesn’t matter which one you get

L - Limit the time team owners get to make there selections, we all deal with the morons who stumble in the late rounds because they don’t know if they should draft T.Hambrick or A. Cobourne

M - Make it for $$$- nothing ventured nothing gained, it keeps it more interesting. Pride is nice but cash is nicer

N - Never take a kicker before round 8, if you do you’re a dope

O - Offense wins you championships, you need guys who score early and often

P - Penalties- you should be penalized for INTs and Fumbles, but if not Marc Bulger could be a good pick

Q - Quit your bitchin', nobody cares if they just selected the player you were going to take, save your breath and quit being a pansy

R - RBs, RBs, RBs- it’s what separates the good teams from the great teams. You’ve either got them or you don’t

S - Salary Cap Leagues Rule, everyone gets a shot at the players they covet

T - Tight Ends- leagues in which you are not required to start one are for beginners

U - Under no circumstance, do not draft Ricky Williams, he’s not coming back, not this year anyway

V - Vick he could get you more rushing yards than some RB’s

W - WR’s – you always want a teams #1 option, the guys on the other side only get scraps and are inconsistent 

X - X-Factors, get a defense with good special teams

Y - Youth- don’t be afraid to draft a rookie, the great ones have to start somewhere

Z - Zilch- the amount of prizes you’ll likely win by taking a QB in the first round